


Time for Change

by tiaylasglass



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Bullying, Hurt Alec, M/M, Minor Character Death, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 19:22:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13417983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiaylasglass/pseuds/tiaylasglass
Summary: Alec and his siblings were forced to transfer to Hogwarts after it became public knowledge of their parents' involvement in the Uprising.Alec had always struggled to fit in with his peers and, now with everyone thinking he was a pureblood elitist, he doubted it was going to become any easier to make a friend.





	1. Chapter One

Alec had always been a little different. As a child he’d been quiet and reserved, preferring to be neither seen nor heard. In his primary schooling years he often had become a target for bullies due to not being the loud, cheerful boy everyone else expected him to be. He didn’t play sports. He hated playing quidditch with his peers – though he would never admit the main reason for his hatred of the sport stemmed from his extreme fear of heights. Instead, he would prefer to sit down with a large book and read.  
  
His parents often expressed their concern over him. They worried he was becoming an outcast amongst his peers, which would make it difficult for their plans for him in the future to succeed. Alec needed to be confident and likeable, not shy and stand offish. As they sent him off to Ilvermorny on the first day, they made sure he understood that the time for his childish behaviour to stop.  
  
_“Train at least four times a week on the broom. Next year you can trial for the quidditch team.”_  
  
_“Put away those silly books. The only ones you need to pay attention to are ones that will help you with your studies, not ones to do with – **with killing birds** or whatever it is you’re reading.”_  
  
_“Talk to the other children. Make some friends. Don’t spend all your time shut up in your dormitory. Maybe you’ll even find yourself a pretty girl.”_  
  
Nothing they said had an effect on him. The only time he touched his broomstick was when he’d offered to help clear up after watching one of his professor’s struggling to pick them up – she’d obtained a hip injury in her youth that occasionally caused her pain. Books became his only friends, and there was not much to say about finding a pretty girl. It wasn’t until the middle of his fourth year that he began to understand why he didn’t pay much attention to even the prettiest of girls in his school.  
  
When his third year began he had his younger sister and adoptive brother with him. Unfortunately, the two were the complete opposite of him and had quickly made friends with half their year on the first day - which was only unfortunate for how Alec, who'd been excited to have someone to sit with during meals and to talk to between classes, was once again alone.   
  
But he preferred it that way. Kind of. He’d never had a friend to confide in or to trust. He struggled to imagine what it would be like, but he’d seen the pain others felt when they argued with their closest friends. He’d seen large groups divide over arguments that left everyone suffering and angry. This made him think that maybe he wasn’t missing out on much. In fact, he was able to confidently tell himself that being alone kept him safe from all the pain friendship seemed to cause.  
  
Then, he was transferred to Hogwarts.  
  
~  
  
“This isn’t fair!” Izzy shouted at their parents. “Just because you guys made a dumb mistake doesn’t mean that _we_ have to pay for it!”  
  
“Isabelle!” She didn’t let her father continue.  
  
“No! How can you even _consider_ this? _This is our home!_ Our _friends_ are all here!”  
  
“You’ll make new friends,” Maryse told her with an air of finality. “Go pack your things. We leave in one hour.”  
  
“This is bullshit!” Izzy screamed before slamming the door behind her, eyes wet with tears. Robert sighed, running a hand tiredly through his hair.  
  
“You know we love you all, right?” Robert said. Alec and Jace nodded. “This is what’s best for our family. You’ll see.”  
  
“Go pack, you two. Don’t forget anything. We don’t plan on returning.” Maryse dismissed them, hard eyes watching them nod silently and leave.  
  
“Izzy’s right. This is bullshit,” Jace said once the door shut behind them.  
  
“Jace…” Alec started. Jace rolled his eyes.  
  
“Yeah, yeah. I got it the first time. ‘It’s what’s best for our family’. ‘We’re doing this for you’,” he imitated his parents in frustration. “You can’t believe they’re for real. This is about them trying to save face.”  
  
Alec was silent as Jace ranted, letting him blow off some steam before entering their shared dorm. He understood his siblings' anger. They’d been there for four years and had made themselves a home. They didn’t want to give it all up. Alec couldn’t deny that he’d have preferred to have stayed in America where, despite his lack of friendships, he had a sense of stability in having forged a routine over the past six years.  
  
“Don’t forget your potions textbook,” Alec pointed absentmindedly towards the bottom drawer where Jace usually stuffed the book. Jace grunted in thanks as he added it to his suitcase. “Look, there’s nothing to be done. We’re moving to Hogwarts no matter how little we want to. Might as well make the best of it.”  
  
“This just sucks,” Jace groaned. He zipped his suitcase up and fell onto the bed. “This is the last time we get to lie here. It’ll be the last time we share a dorm too, probably.”  
  
“You know we’re lucky to have been able to share in the first place,” Alec said, deciding not to mention that the only reason they were allowed to share a room even though they were two year levels apart was because Alec had been bullied each time he was put into a room with his own peers.  
  
“What if we’re in different houses there? Did you know that a hat chooses our houses for us there? _A hat!_ ” Jace repeated incredulously.  
  
“Whatever happens will happen. We can’t change it so we might as well roll with it,” Alec stated. Jace muttered something under his breath before sitting back up.  
  
“Guess it’s time to leave.” Alec could hear the genuine disdain in his voice as his eyes roamed the walls of the room for the last time.  
  
“Yeah,” Alec agreed.  
  
~  
  
The news had broken out of Maryse and Robert Lightwood’s association with the Circle, an elite group of witches and wizards who opposed muggle borns. The Uprising, a significant event of their history, occurred sixteen years ago when the Circle rounded up hundreds of muggle borns and killed them in protest to their rights in the wizarding community.  
  
When the Circle became overpowered by the aurors many went into hiding while others pleaded victim of the Imperius Curse, claiming no choice in their involvement. The Lightwoods had been some of the few who were never caught by the authorities. At least, until a man held captive in Azkaban revealed a list of people who were never punished for their involvement, his madness leading him to betraying the people he once worked so closely with. Maryse’s and Robert’s names were both on that list.  
  
To say their children were distraught to learn of this through a newspaper article would be putting it lightly. Izzy shouted and cried at them, first begging for it all to be a lie and then giving in and despising them for their prejudice ways that led to so many deaths. Jace avoided his adoptive parents as best he could, not wanting to face them after learning that the people he’d been infinitely grateful to have in his life were the monsters they were taught to fight against. Max didn’t know much, having only begun his first year when the news broke out, but he knew enough to understand his parents were once the bad guys.  
  
Alec felt numb. Never in a million years could he have imagined his parents being a part of something so cruel and vicious. Sure, they had never been particularly warm and fuzzy but he never would’ve thought they had played a role in one of the biggest events in their history – at least, not on the side that caused hundreds of innocents to die.  
  
As soon as word got around about the Lightwoods’ involvement in the Uprising everything changed. The bullying for Alec got so much more violent at school and Izzy and Jace’s friends all turned away from them. Even Max’s friends started avoiding him after learning of his parents’ mistakes. When they started receiving death threats from anonymous people they knew it was time to leave.  
  
Izzy and Jace still held onto the hope that their friends would see that they weren’t like their parents. Alec knew they wouldn’t. Their minds had been made up; the Lightwoods were _all_ guilty of out-dated prejudiced thoughts.  
  
So, the decision was made. It was time to start anew.  
  
~  
  
“Everyone’s staring at us,” Max tugged on Alec’s hand nervously as they walked through the corridor as a group. They, Izzy, and Jace were being led to the Headmaster’s office to be given the school rules and a brief introduction to how classes and school life worked. The castle was different to the one in America, Alec thought to himself. It looked older and larger, though that could be because he hadn’t had time to explore the rooms of the castle as he had at Ilvermorny. Perhaps once he had time to properly explore he’d feel like the castle wasn’t so huge.  
  
“Just ignore them,” Alec said. He’d always hated being the centre of attention. He hated it even more with dozens of glaring eyes and looks of disgust met his gaze at every turn.  
  
“Here we are,” the professor muttered the password before gesturing for the Lightwoods to climb the staircase that had appeared. Alec quietly thanked the professor for showing them the way before hurrying to catch up with his siblings. Regardless of the hostile way the professor had treated them, he refused to stoop to the level everyone believed he currently sat comfortably. He wasn’t a rude person and wouldn’t let other’s opinions change that about him.  
  
Professor Garroway greeted them at the top and had them sit in the four seats in front of his desk. His eyes were kind but guarded, as if he didn’t know what to expect from the Lightwoods in front of him. “Welcome,” he said to them all. “I’m sure you all must be tired from your trip so I will try make this quick.” And he did. After being warned from the Forbidden Forest and told to be wary of the moving stairs, they were given a few details of their classes and each handed a small collection of papers that held information on the rules of Hogwarts.  
  
“Thank you,” Alec said, eyes already scanning the pages for the important stuff.  
  
“Tonight during dinner you will each be sorted into houses. Normally, the sorting is done on the first day of the school year, but we will have to make do. Until then, Professor Starkweather has offered to show you around the premises.” They were all shocked to see the familiar face of Hodge Starkweather, the man who had trained them for years in physical combat. He’d also taught them ways to better control their magic, allowing them to rise to the top of their year levels with their advanced skill.  
  
“Long time, no see,” Hodge smiled their way, bringing them in for a familial hug. “You’ve all grown since I last saw you.”  
  
“It _has_ been three years,” Jace commented. Hodge ruffled his hair and nudged them to the doors.  
  
“Let’s begin the tour now or else we won’t finish in time for dinner.”  
  
~  
  
Alec could feel the nerves tumbling around in his stomach. While in many of the books he’d read the feeling had been described as butterflies fluttering in his stomach, he thought it felt a lot more like rocks tumbling around in him. His breath caught in his throat as Professor Garroway explained the delay in their dinner by announcing the arrival of new students needing to be sorted into new houses. He wiped his sweaty palms against his robes nervously, trying – and failing – to smile gratefully to his sister as she latched onto one of his hands. He could tell she was also nervous.  
  
“We’ll start from the youngest,” Garroway declared. Alec felt Max tense up beside him and gently pushed him forward once his name was called. He kept his eyes on the ground as he climbed the steps, fingers twisting with his robes as he sat on the stool. The hat placed on his head was silent for a few intense moments before shouting ‘Gryffindor!’ across the room. Despite the students’ – and professors’ – clear hatred towards the Lightwoods, people still clapped for the boy and made space for him at their table.  
  
Izzy was sorted next into Slytherin, and though the claps were as loud for her as they were for Max it was obvious many were unsurprised to see her sorted into that house. Alec briefly recalled the stereotype of all evil wizards and witched from Hogwarts having come from the Slytherin house. Jace was then sorted into Gryffindor and joined their brother with a smile brightening his face.  
  
Alec felt like time slowed for him as he took his spot on the stool. A part of him admittedly hoped to be placed with his brothers or Izzy so that he wouldn’t be alone. The hat didn’t seem to agree with him, deciding that ‘Hufflepuff!’ would be the best house for him. He quickly took his seat at the table, offering a small smile to the boy who had moved to let him sit beside him.  
  
With the sorting completed food appeared on the tables and they were given permission to eat. Alec watched as the people around him immediately began piling food onto their plates, conversation filling the air. Alec bit his lip as he grabbed a small bun of the plate and began tearing it apart, chewing on small pieces as the people around him ignored his existence. He caught sight of Izzy, feeling relieved to see she was speaking animatedly with someone at her table, a small grin on her lips as she spoke. He turned back to his half-eaten bun just as the boy next to him started speaking.  
  
“You know you can eat anything, right?” Alec looked at him in confusion, unsure whether he was talking to him. Sure enough, the boy’s eyes were on him. “The dishes refill by magic when they are emptied. The house elves cook more than enough to keep us all fed every night.” Alec didn’t know what to say, so he settled for spooning a small portion of the Caesar salad in front of them onto his plate.  
  
“My name’s Simon,” he introduced himself. His glasses slipped down his nose slightly.  
  
“Alec,” he said. It was rude to not give you name when someone else offers theirs. Simon seemed to perk up at Alec’s first words spoken to him.  
  
“You’re from Ilvermorny, right? I’ve never been to America before, but I’ve seen pictures and it looks amazing!” Simon said excitedly. His mouth was opened to continue when the boy sitting next to him elbowed him sharply and muttered something into his ear. Alec caught the word ‘Circle’ and ‘muggleborns’ and felt himself deflate slightly. He had felt surprisingly happy to have someone talk to them, even if it was only for a short amount of time. He saw as Simon’s face fell and tried not to feel hurt when the boy turned away from him slightly. No other words were spoken to or from Alec through the rest of dinner, which he’d suddenly found himself unable to stomach.  
  
At the end of dinner Alec was led to the Hufflepuff common room and shown where he would be sleeping. He learned after unpacking his belongings that Simon slept in the bed opposite his.  
  
~


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Accident in Defence Against the Dark Arts,” Alec said quietly. Magnus didn’t seem ill or injured. In fact, he seemed quite comfortable sitting on a bed with plates of food and a pile of books beside him. 
> 
> “You sure it was an accident?” Magnus asked with raised eyebrows.

Alec didn’t like Hogwarts. He recalled the saying his teachers had once told him, about sticks and stones, but he felt like he had to disagree. He would almost prefer the black eyes and broken bones to the looks of pure disgust and whispers that followed him everywhere he walked. The kids who sat behind him in class would throw scrunched up paper at him, only growing bored when the only reaction they got was the smallest jump of surprise.   
  
The first three weeks passed agonisingly slowly. People often say that time flies when you’re having fun, so he figured it was somewhat poetic that time would pass at a snail’s pace when he dreaded each passing second. In those three weeks he’d learned to wait until everyone else had left class before leaving – he’d been tripped over constantly as he tried to leave. He also learned to avoid eating with everyone else, which was made easier by having the kitchens so close to the Hufflepuff common rooms.   
  
Each night he returned to his bed with tears in his eyes, letting them fall silently only once everyone else was asleep. His heart hurt in a way Alec found too familiar yet even more painful than ever before. The pain ached across his body, making him feel so sick he thought he might throw up. He laid in his bed, arms wrapped around himself tightly as if he could fall apart in any second.   
  
The day he’d just endured had been terrible. He had struggled to sleep the night before and ended up walking in late to class, blurry-eyed and apologetic. He’d been given a detention. Then, a group of students had decided to make it their mission to follow him around in between classes, uttering insults and laughing whenever he reacted. He fell asleep during his study period and missed two classes, giving him another week’s detention, then in DADA his assigned partner sent him flying across the room on ‘accident’.    
  
When he was sent to the infirmary he was able to find out the full extent of his injuries; a deep head wound on his forehead, a deep cut along his forearm, and two relatively deep cuts on his waist. He could feel the warm, sticky blood dripping down the side of his face and the burn of the material of his clothing against the wounds on his waist. Luckily, the infirmary was on the same floor as his DADA class.  
  
“Drink this, sweetie,” Ms Fray handed him a bright pink potion that smelled like the tea a girl who spent a lot of time in the Hufflepuff common room drank. He was happy to find that the liquid tasted sweet – like liquid candy floss – rather than something he’d find in a sewer like many other potions he’d drunken had tasted.   
  
“Thank you,” he handed her back the glass. She smiled sweetly at him and helped him out of his robes and undershirt so that she could see the wounds properly.   
  
“Ouch,” she hissed sympathetically as she saw how deep they were. She pressed a towel against his forehead and told him to keep pressure on it. “Hold this while I get some more towels, alright?” He tilted his head in understanding and watched her walk away. It was silent for a few seconds before a voice spoke up from his left, causing him to startle and almost fall off the bed.   
  
“What happened to you?” It was Magnus Bane, a Slytherin who, while not actively insulting Alec, often looked at him through narrowed eyes that were filled anger. Alec had no doubt that this boy hated him for the same reason everyone else in the school seemed to hate him.  
  
“Accident in Defence Against the Dark Arts,” he said quietly. Magnus didn’t seem ill or injured. In fact, he seemed quite comfortable sitting on a bed with plates of food and a pile of books beside him.   
  
“You sure it was an accident?” Magnus asked with raised eyebrows. Alec looked away as Ms Fray returned. Magnus didn’t say anything as she started dabbing at his wounds with a wet towel.   
  
“The potion you drank had numbing properties,” she explained. “It’ll hurt less that way.” Alec gave her a strained smile, holding back a wince as she pulled out a pair of tweezers to pull out a few splinters. He’d had to stitch himself up many times before but he still felt queasy at the sight of the inside of someone’s skin, much less his own. As she began threading a needle Alec stopped her.   
  
“I think I’m going to be sick,” he said, a hand moving to cover his mouth suddenly. Without delay she produced a bucket and pressed it onto his lap. She rubbed his back comfortingly as leaned his head into the bucket and threw up what little he had in his stomach. A minute passed and he raised his head, accepting the tissue she handed him with a croaky ‘thanks’.   
  
He moved the bucket to the side, protesting when she went to clean it. “I can do it, Ms Fray.”  
  
“Don’t you worry your little head,” she tutted. “I’ve been cleaning up sick for the better half of my life.” Alec knew there was no point in arguing as she already emptied the bucket into the drain so he settled for thanking her again. He bit his lip as he put more pressure onto his head wound. Experience told him that it would bleed for a long while yet.   
  
As she was returning he caught Magnus’ eyes. Magnus raised an eyebrow, daring him to say something. Alec just looked down.   
  
“Now, this might hurt a little,” she started, lifting the needle to his arm.   
  
“It’s okay, Ms Fray,” he gave her a small smile. “I’ve had plenty of stitches before.”  
  
“You have? I saw that you had quite an extensive medical history,” she commented. Alec shrugged at her words. “My daughter went through a clumsy streak when she was entering her teens. You’ll grow out of it, I’m sure.”  
  
“Yeah.” _Clumsy_. Magnus snorted at that, bringing Alec’s attention back to him. He had a knowing look in his eye that made Alec feel slightly uncomfortable. He didn’t like people reading him like that.   
  
“You’re going to have to spend the night in here so that I can monitor that head wound of yours,” she told him. She gestured for him to lie down so that she could stitch up the wounds on his waist too. Alec frowned at that news. He had meant to meet with Max after dinner. When he brought it up she informed him that she would get a message to his brother so that he knows to meet Alec in there. Alec thanked her again.   
  
Alec was feeling his eyes droop when she asked him a question that caused his heart to stop. “What happened here?” Her voice sounded shocked as her finger traced the long, pale scar that ran across his chest. He sat up quickly and pushed her hands away, face paling from both the shock of his scar being noticed and the pounding in his head that multiplied by the sudden movement. “Oh, no, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have ask,” she apologised immediately, backing away with her hands up.   
  
_“Let’s play a game.”  
  
“I don’t want to play.”  
  
_ “N-no, sorry, I shouldn’t have d-done that. I’m sorry.”  
  
Ms Fray frowned as he apologised. “You don’t need to apologise. I pushed the boundary. Can I finish stitching your wound? I’m almost finished.” Alec nodded, lying back down while trying to calm his racing heart. _It’s in the past,_ he reminded himself. They couldn’t get him at Hogwarts.  
  
Alec watched silently as she moved on from his waist to his forehead, which had stopped bleeding so heavily. She cleaned the blood from his face and carefully applied three butterfly stitches over the wound. She then covered it with a larger bandage.   
  
“There we go,” she said. “You can get some sleep, if you would like. I need to wake you every hour to make sure your head injury isn’t more severe than it seems, but try get as much sleep in as you can. The potion works better if while you’re unconscious.” She helped Alec under the blankets and reiterated her promise to let his brother know he wouldn’t be able to meet him.   
  
Alec laid on his uninjured side and pulled the blankets up to his shoulders, bunching it in one hand at his chest. He was so tired he didn’t notice Magnus staring at him as he fell asleep, curiosity and a touch of concern in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! i know this chapter is shorter but i wanted to get the malec introduction uploaded.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Friends, then?” Alec felt himself smile wide as he nodded. 
> 
> “Friends.”

Alec woke to a small finger poking relentlessly at his cheek. His eyes fluttered open as someone whispered a hushed “quit it!” followed by a short slap. He squinted in the brightness of the room, the sunlight reflecting against the bright white walls.   
  
“You’re awake!” A familiar voice cried out as a pair of arms wrapped tightly around him and the smell of Victoria’s Secret perfume his sister loved to wear.   
  
“Good morning to you too, Izzy,” he mumble against her shoulder, his body jolting as she accidentally pressed against his injured arm. She immediately pulled away.  
  
“Oh my gosh, are you okay? What happened? Last night all anyone was talking about was how Morgenstern attacked you in class!”   
  
“Attacked me?”  
  
“That’s just what some people are saying,” Jace pushed Izzy aside. “But mostly they’re saying he caught you unprepared.” Alec rolled his eyes at that. As if his entire life of training would allow him to fail due to being unprepared.   
  
“It was just an accident,” Alec said. He could see neither of them believed him so he turned his attention to Max, who had been the culprit with the small finger. “What about you, mister? Shouldn’t you be in herbology right about now?” He checked the large clock across the room, which said it was 10:10am. He was shocked to see how long he’d slept for.  
  
“Too late to go now,” he shrugged nonchalantly. Alec snorted.   
  
“You’re too much like your idiot brother,” he said, nodding to Jace who responded with an offended ‘hey!’.  
  
“You stopped turning up to potions last year just because you didn’t like the teacher,” Izzy reminded him.   
  
“That wasn’t the only reason!” Jace tried to defend himself. Alec rose his eyebrow. Jace looked sheepish as he added, “I switched a light sleep sleeping potion with one that turned your skin dark green. I didn’t know the teacher was going to drink it.”  
  
They laughed, remembering the time their teacher had stormed into the dining hall at breakfast and tried to demand answers only to be laughed out of the hall. Alec had felt a little sorry for her at first but then remembered the time she’d decided to turn a blind eye when one of the older boys left Alec locked in a small cupboard for half a day.  
  
His siblings stayed for another hour before being shooed out by Ms Fray, who threaten to take house points from them for not going to class. She didn’t seem mad though, since she turned back to Alec with a wink before preparing his medicine and breakfast.   
  
“How’re you feeling today, Mr Lightwood?” she asked.   
  
“Better, thanks to you.”  
  
“Lovely,” she smiled kindly. “You can go back to your dormitory after lunch but I don’t want you attending classes today. Another day of rest will have you almost back to normal, though I’m sorry to say your wounds will take a little longer to heal over.”  
  
“That’s okay,” Alec said. She left not too long after to work in her office. Alec stared at the ceiling in boredom once he’d finished his breakfast. He counted the tiles in the roof, recounting them twice to make sure he hadn’t miscounted – he hadn’t – then he counted the cracks in between them. He was so caught up in counting that he didn’t notice he had company until they spoke up.   
  
“You look like shit.” He jumped violently, hissing in pain as he banged his arm against the rail on the bed. Magnus at least had the decency to look sorry.   
  
“Thanks,” Alec grunted. He slowly pulled himself up, pausing when everything seemed to spin momentarily. He looked at Magnus for a few seconds then frowned. “You don’t look injured.”  
  
“Why would I?” Magnus asked. Alec looked pointedly around the infirmary before returning his eyes to Magnus’.  
  
“Obvious reasons. Like the fact we’re both sitting in a room which’s literal purpose is for sick or injured people.”  
  
“Eh,” he shrugged his shoulders. “Ms Fray is my mum so I can come here whenever I want.” For a second Alec didn’t believe Magnus but stopped himself from saying anything. Families aren’t all cut and dry like he’d been raised to believe. Parents adopted all the time. Unlike his parents’ liked to believe, not all families were the same as theirs.   
  
Alec didn’t know how to respond so he settled for a small nod of his head and sipping the glass of water he found on the drawer beside his bed. Magnus pulled out the book he must have brought in and made himself comfortable on the bed, occasionally looking up at Alec with a thoughtful gaze. Alec wanted to ask why but didn’t know if he’d like the answer. He stayed quiet.   
  
“Now, Mr Lightwood,” Ms Fray returned a few minutes later. “Normally a letter is sent home to a student’s parents in these cases, however since you’re of age it is up to you whether once is sent or not.”  
  
“No, uh, that won’t be necessary,” he said. If the letter was sent home he doubted it would be opened.   
  
“Alright. I made you another potion to take before you go to sleep tonight.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
“Here’s a pass excusing you from the rest of your classes today just in case you run into a prefect on your way.” He took both the potion and the note. “I also had your robes sent to the seamstress to be fixed. If they aren’t delivered to your common room by tonight come back and I’ll make sure they get to you.”  
  
“Thank you, Ms Fray,” Alec said for what felt like the hundredth time, though he meant it no less each time. She smiled at him and patted his shoulder before leading him out of the room. As he left he felt eyes following him as he walked.   
  
~  
  
Alec didn’t go to his dorm. Well, he did but he didn’t stay for long. Despite Ms Fray’s orders he knew that he needed to catch up on what he missed in class as well as the homework he’d meant to do the night before. He collected his books and left for the library, finding a quiet spot to sit at in the corner near the back. Unless someone were to venture his way, no one would see him.  
  
He threw himself into his work, blocking everything from his mind as he began his essay on the pros and cons of using newt’s eye in a potion. It was an easy essay similar to one he’d written at Ilvermorny discussing the properties and effects of a newt’s eye. Once he finished he moved onto his other homework, practicing some basic transfiguration spells and reading a few chapters in his Characteristics of Magical Creatures book.   
  
When the assigned homework had been completed Alec pulled out his own copy of the novel ‘More Than This’ by Patrick Ness, a muggle novel that he’d read dozens of times. His parents had scolded him multiple times over his preference for muggle-written novels. They told him it was improper and he needed to focus on his studies instead of wasting time filling his head with fantasies. They burned his copy of To Kill a Mockingbird one day when they were particularly angry with him.   
  
_“Why do you have to be this way? Why can’t you just be a normal boy?” his father yelled at him.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Alec sniffed.   
  
“You know what – I’ve had enough.” Alec shrunk away as the older man stepped to him and tore the book out of his hands. His eyes filled with tears as the pages were torn out and thrown into the fireplace.   
  
“No! Stop, please!” He ran forward, sinking to his knees as he watched the paper blacken and turn to ash. He heard his father swear under his breath before stomping out of the room. He didn’t leave until the fire died out.   
  
_ He pulled out his bookmark – a simple, silver piece of laminated cardboard – and continued to read from where he left off. His heart ached for the characters in the novel, each having suffered greatly due to the violent actions of people older than them - abusing them and taking advantage of their power. The way their lives had been influence by the actions of these people hit Alec in a way that let him see himself in each of the characters.   
  
It was becoming a habit for Alec to get so distracted he became oblivious to the world around him, as he was once again startled by a person speaking to him.   
  
“Alec?” The voice was soft and timid, as if expecting to be told to go away. When he looked up he saw Simon standing awkwardly at the table, a pile of books in his hands. Alec furrowed his eyebrows in confusion wondering why Simon was speaking to him. “Do you mind if I s-sit here? With you?”  
  
Alec glanced around the library, seeing many empty tables through the bookshelves. _Why did Simon want to sit with him when there were so many other options?_ “If you want,” Alec tried to sound nonchalant but he could hear the confusion in his voice. Simon smiled in relief and dumped his books on the table and pulled up the seat right opposite Alec. Alec stared at him for a few moments, trying to figure out if he had some sort of ulterior motive to sitting with him. Simon didn’t say anything as he opened a book and pulled out a roll of parchment, dipping his quill in ink and writing in letters twice as large as Alec’s.   
  
When he couldn’t find anything suspicious about Simon he let his eyes drift back to the pages of his novel, quickly losing himself in them. After a few minutes passed he heard Simon sigh loudly in frustration. He looked back up to the boy, who was running a hand through his hair in stress as he roughly scribbled out the line he’d just written. He blushed when he saw he’d gained Alec’s attention.  
  
“Sorry. This is just really difficult,” he admitted in a defeated tone. A quick glance told Alec that Simon was working on the potion’s essay he himself had completed only hours ago. He flicked his eyes across what Simon had already written and found himself pointing out an error he’d made.  
  
“Crushed newt’s eyes don’t become acidic unless they’re added to a solution with high acidity. Otherwise they stay with a pH of 7 and won’t react with most liquids.” Simon smiled gratefully as he scribbled what Alec had just told him down.   
  
“Oh man, I’ve been trying to figure out what I was writing wrong. Thank you.” Alec felt himself blush at the sincerity of Simon’s gratitude. It was as if a dam had broken, letting Simon interrupt Alec’s reading to ask for help whenever it was needed, something which Alec would normally find annoying but surprised himself by feeling a small rush of happiness each time he was spoken to.   
  
“Hey, Alec?” Simon’s voice had dropped suddenly and Alec noticed the way he nervously fiddled with the edges of his parchment.   
  
“Yeah?”   
  
“I’m sorry for how I acted the night you were sorted into our house.” To say Alec was surprised by the sudden apology would be a dramatic understatement. “I shouldn’t have assumed anything about you. It wasn’t right of me.”  
  
“That’s – that’s okay,” Alec stuttered. “I don’t blame you.”  
  
“You should,” Simon said, regret burning in his eyes. “It’s just… ever since I was sent my letter on my eleventh birthday everything has changed so much. I learned the hard way that muggle borns weren’t immediately accepted by everyone here.” Alec didn’t know Simon well but he couldn’t deny how much it affected him to see such a sad expression on the boy’s face. “And I know now that I shouldn’t have been such a – a _jerk_ to you based on what they had to say. I should have gotten to know you before making judgements.”  
  
“I – I…” Alec didn’t know what to say. He’d never had someone apologise to him before like this.   
  
“I really am sorry, Alec. I understand if you want me to leave –”  
  
“No!” Alec cringed at how loud he was and felt himself go red again. “No, I just… I’m not really used to people apologising to me. Thank you.” Simon practically fell against the table in relief, a smile spread across his lips as he looked up at Alec.   
  
“Friends, then?” Alec felt himself smile wide as he nodded.   
   
“Friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! i hope you like this chapter, you'll be seeing a lot more of simon and alec becoming friends and magnus and alec getting to know each other in future chapters!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Magnus?” Alec blinked in confusion, rubbing his eyes and feeling mortified when his hands came away wet. He quickly cleared his throat and grabbed hold of the book he’d fallen asleep on. 
> 
> “Bad dream?” he queried. His voice came off light but Alec could see the concern in his eyes.

 When Alec and Simon returned to their dorm that evening Alec was pleased to see his robes were sitting folded on his bed. After putting them into a drawer he put on some pyjamas, ignoring the emptiness of his stomach and climbing onto his bed.  
  
“Are you not going to dinner?” Simon asked. “I’ve noticed you don’t often eat in the hall.”  
  
“I’m not hungry. I think I’m just going to get some sleep,” he shrugged. Simon frowned but nodded, deciding their newly formed friendship wasn’t ready for arguments quite yet. Alec turned away from him and closed his eyes, letting Simon believe he truly was going to sleep. When he heard the door shut gently he flipped over to his back. He was still struggling to comprehend the events of that day.  
  
For the first time in his life he had a friend. A real friend. And he didn’t know how to feel. Happy, obviously. But scared… a little. While a part of him was telling him to enjoy the friendship because it was unlikely he’d make another, another part was telling him to be cautious. Simon could simply be pretending – he’d seen it happen at Ilvermorny plenty of times when people would give someone who was lonely hope only to rip it away just as they got attached.  
  
Thinking about it, though, he couldn’t picture Simon actively trying to hurt someone. When Simon had found out about Alec’s fascination with muggle novels he’d enthusiastically suggested a few of his favourites, even offering to lend Alec his copy of the Game of Thrones series sometime. Then, Simon had carried Alec’s books back to the common room because he could tell that his arm was hurting due to the potion wearing off, even though Alec had protested multiple times.  
  
He did learn a lot about Simon, who was more talkative than any other person Alec had met before. There were a dozen different subjects he’d managed to rattle on about during the few hours they’d sat in the library for and Alec continued to surprise himself by not getting annoyed at him. From favourite books they’d moved on to movies, which Simon had been absolutely appalled to hear that Alec had never watched one before. _“We’re definitely having a movie marathon one day,”_ Simon had sworn. Alec didn’t even try to hide his smile.  
  
After downing his potion he moved into a more comfortable position, taking a moment to thank whatever God there was for the fact that his wounds had all been on the same half of his body, making it easier to lie down. It didn’t take long for him to be hit with a wave of exhaustion, giving him enough time to realise Ms Fray had added a drowsy component to the potion before falling into a heavy sleep.  
  
~  
  
When Alec woke it was still dark. He rubbed his eyes and reached for his wand on the bedside table, whispering “Lumos” to help him see. The other boys sharing his dorm were all fast asleep, snores emitting from one side of the room and a quite muttering coming from where Simon slept across from him – Simon was a sleep talker, Alec had come to know.  
  
He was absolutely starving. He’d eaten nothing but breakfast the day before, and while his bad eating habits had become a routine for him, he still usually ate a little more than one meal. Just as he was about to leave his bed his eyes fell onto his bedside table, where a wrapped up sandwich was sitting. Beside it was a note written in slightly familiar handwriting.  
  
_Just in case you get hungry later on. Simon  
  
  
_ Alec huffed a short laugh, smiling over to where Simon was sleeping. It meant a lot to him that Simon had thought of him. He quietly devoured the sandwich and reached over to his drink bottle, downing half the bottle in one go. He noticed that his head no longer pounded with every movement, a change that was very welcome. His wounds on his waist and arm also no longer burned. He made a note to thank Ms Fray again for her help. The school nurse at Ilvermorny would have simply handed him a nasty tasting potion that made him feel nauseous until he was healed.   
  
Maybe moving to Hogwarts wasn’t as terrible as he’d originally thought.   
  
~  
  
Alec could tell that Simon was trying hard to make up for the way he’d originally turned away from him on his first day. Instead of sitting with his friends at meal times he would stick to Alec’s side, similar to how whenever they were given tasks that required partners Simon would immediately seek Alec out.   
  
At first, he was a little unnerved by Simon’s sudden commitment to being by his side but he pinned that down to not knowing exactly what having a friend was like. He truly did appreciate it, finding comfort in Simon’s constant chatter. He eventually found himself adding his own thoughts to the conversation, feeling confident enough to speak his mind without being ignored or mocked.   
  
“I just think Samwise was the _real_ hero of the Lord of the Rings,” Simon was saying. “Think about it! Without him, Frodo would have totally crashed and burned.”  
  
“And then he gets mad at him for trying to help!” Alec agreed, waving his hands enthusiastically as he spoke. “I don’t understand why Frodo would trust Gollum over someone who had been by his side since the beginning!”  
  
Simon had lent his books to Alec and, as promised, watched the DVDs on the laptop he’d brought from home. After watching the trilogy, he’d had a lot of thoughts and opinions. Simon was ecstatic to have someone to ‘nerd-out’ with. Alec was just happy to finally have someone to talk to.  
  
“Simon?” Alec interrupted him mid-rant. His eyes had drifted past Simon and towards the Gryffindor table, where a group of students kept looking back towards them – or towards Simon to be exact. Alec vaguely recognised them from seeing them hanging around Simon often.   
  
“Hm?” He paused.   
  
“I think your friends want to talk to you?” Alec looked down as Simon turned around and waved to the others.   
  
“I’ll see them later,” Simon shrugged. He’d once brought up introducing Alec to them but Alec had been stubborn in his refusal.   
  
“Actually, um,” Alec downed his water and stood up. “I’ve finished eating. I think I’m going to go and do some reading for class before I go to bed.”  
  
Simon reached for his wrist. “Wait, you don’t have to go!”  
  
Alec carefully pulled his arm away, offering a small smile as he shrugged. “Don’t worry. I’ll see you tonight.” He didn’t look back as he hurried out of the hall, guilt eating up at him as he realised how much Simon must have been neglecting his friends to be with Alec. He hadn’t meant to take up all of Simon’s time.   
  
His trip to the library didn’t take long and he quickly sat in his usual spot. He could hear the rain outside, pouring down as occasional bouts of thunder sounded from the sky and lightening flashed across it. The library was lit by candles spread around on the tables. Alec loved the atmosphere set by the stormy weather and candlelit room.   
  
As calming as it was, it was counterproductive to his attempt to complete his homework as only twenty minutes after sitting down and wrapping his cloak around his shoulders for warmth, his eyes slowly closed and his head fell softly onto the pages of the thick book in front of him.   
  
_“Go on! Do it!” Wind whipped against his skin, leaving a stinging sensation where his tears left their tracks. “What? You too scared?” Waves splashed violently against the rocks below them and a spray of water hit him.  
  
His breath caught in his chest as he took a small step closer to the edge and further away from the boys closing in on him, taunting grins threatening him to do as they said.   
  
“Just one, big step and we’ll leave you alone,” they promised. Alec shivered as a strong gust of wind hit him, almost as if it too were encouraging him to take the leap. He glanced down at the water below them. Large, sharp rocks protruded from the surface of the water. He didn’t want to jump and it seemed the others were starting to realise he wasn’t going to do what they said.   
  
“You’re such a coward!” The tallest of them all stepped forward, dark eyes narrowed as he stomped over to him. “What? I’ll even help you.” Alec tried to pull out of the boy’s grip but he was much smaller than him. “On the count of three, eh?” The others all laughed as Alec shouted and screamed, trying desperately to back away from the edge as the stronger boy pulled them closer.   
  
“One…” Alec twisted and turned violently, begging for them to stop. “Two…” A sob and more tears came as he moved his shoulders sharply to the side. The hands on him slipped for a moment before they let go, a loud, terrified screaming filling the air.   
  
_ “Alec?” Hands were shaking his shoulder as his eyes opened and he pushed himself up, his chest heaving as he brushed his hair out of his eyes with shaky hands. Concerned eyes were watching him as he took in his surroundings of the dark room.   
  
“Magnus?” Alec blinked in confusion, rubbing his eyes and feeling mortified when his hands came away wet. He quickly cleared his throat and grabbed hold of the book he’d fallen asleep on.   
  
“Bad dream?” he queried. His voice came off light but Alec could see the concern in his eyes.  
  
“Yeah. It’s – it’s nothing,” he attempted nonchalantly. Magnus graciously didn’t mention how clear of a lie that was. “Is it curfew?”  
  
“Just about,” Magnus shrugged. “You’ve got a few more minutes before you have to make it to your dorm.”  
  
“Oh,” Alec said. Magnus watched Alec for a few seconds before sitting down opposite him.   
  
“So, Simon Lewis?” Alec felt ill as Magnus’ eyes stared unblinkingly into Alec’s, as if searching for some sort of reaction. Alec didn’t know what he was looking for. “You two are friends?”   
  
Alec nodded. “You know Simon?”  
  
Magnus huffed and copied Alec’s movement. “He’s my sister’s best friend. I think you’ve probably found that it’s hard not to become fond of him, even if he is incredibly annoying and talks constantly.”  
  
“He’s a good person,” Alec said quietly.  
  
“He is,” Magnus appraised him for a second before leaning forward and his eyes flashed in seriousness. “And if anyone hurts him I will not hesitate to do what needs to be done to make sure it won’t happen again.”  
  
“I wouldn’t –”  
  
“With your family history I wouldn’t put it past you.”  
  
Alec recoiled at those words. “I –,” Magnus cut him off again.   
  
“Simon likes you and I swear, if you are just playing nice to mess with him –”  
  
“I’m not!” Alec’s voice rose slightly, eyes flashing with hurt as Magnus glared at him. “I know that – that everyone here at this school has already decided who I am, okay? I get that you think I’m just a – a pureblood elitist who deserves t-to rot and got to h-hell and – and I – I –,” Alec couldn’t breathe. His hands were shaking again and _he_ _couldn’t breathe_. “I –,” he shook his head. He could hear himself gasping for breath and was barely aware of the way Magnus’ eyes widened in panic as he grabbed his shoulders and spoke to him.   
  
“Alec? Alec, just take a deep breath. Like this,” Magnus demonstrated. “Breathe in – one Mississippi – and out – two Mississippi. There we go.” They repeated the process four more times until Alec’s breathing was steadier and Magnus could move away.   
  
They were silent for a few minutes, Alec looking at his hands in shame as Magnus watched with guilt. “I’m sorry, Alec,” Magnus said. Alec could see the sincerity in his expression. “I just wanted to scare you a little. You know, to make sure you weren’t planning on betraying Simon’s trust.”  
  
_“We were just playing around,” the boy claimed. “Just trying to scare him a little, keep him on his toes.”_  
  
“I’m not my parents,” Alec whispered, his voice cracking slightly. Magus eyed him for a second, taking in his red-rimmed eyes and messy hair.   
  
“I shouldn’t have assumed you were,” Magnus frowned. Alec didn’t say anything. “Simon trusts people too easily. More times than he deserves he’s trusted the wrong people and been hurt. I didn’t want that to happen again.”  
  
“You’re just looking out for him,” Alec pulled his lips into a tight smile. “That’s what friends do, I guess.”  
  
Magnus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “It’s past curfew,” he finally spoke. Alec looked towards the large clock and saw that it was fifteen minutes past the time they were meant to be in their dorms. “Here,” Magnus pulled out a slip and scribbled something on it. “Just in case another prefect or a teacher sees you.”  
  
“Thanks,” Alec took the slip and pocketed it. Magnus followed him as he exited the library and they both walked in silence down the stairs. Before they split up Magnus grabbed his arm.  
  
“I truly am sorry, Alec.”  
  
Alec nodded and stepped away. “Goodnight, Magnus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> firstly, i'm gonna apologise for taking so long to upload!! school started again last week and we've just been through a heatwave (it got to about 35 degrees each day and it was terrible) so i've been too tired to focus on writing. thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know we’re not allowed to eat in here, right? It’s a library.”
> 
> Magnus shrugged unapologetically as he helped himself to one. With his mouth half full he said “of course I know. I just don’t really care.”

“Here,” Magnus said as he approached Alec in the library. Alec looked up from his book as he dropped a clear bag of cookies in front of him.   
  
He pointed to them with a raised eyebrow. “You know we’re not allowed to eat in here, right? It’s a _library_.”  
  
Magnus shrugged unapologetically as he helped himself to one. With his mouth half full he said “of course I know. I just don’t really care.”  
  
Alec rolled his eyes and grabbed one for himself. Simon must have mentioned something to Magnus about his terrible eating habits as only a few days after they’d had their conversation Magnus had started bringing snacks to wherever Alec was when he missed a meal. “Thank you.”  
  
They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, snacking on the cookies as Magnus watched Alec continue reading. “You seem interested in the muggle world,” Magnus commented, nodding his head to the book in Alec’s hands.   
  
Alec hummed. “Growing up in an environment where all I knew was magic made me curious about those living without.”  
  
“That’s… different. Uncommon,” Magnus said. Alec merely shrugged. It had taken a while for him to get used to Magnus, who spoke his mind and didn’t hesitate to ask questions. Alec, who was quite the opposite, found it a little disconcerting at first but was comforted when he realised Magnus wasn’t planning on asking him awkward and personal questions.   
  
There was still a little tension between them, with Alec not having forgiven Magnus for the accusation he'd made. While Magnus had apologised sincerely for the way he’d spoken to him, Alec couldn’t help but feel a small part of him anxiously waiting for Magnus to change his mind and reveal he was just playing Alec to hurt him.   
  
Meanwhile Magnus was trying to show Alec that he was truly sorry for the way he acted. He understood Alec reluctance to trust him, especially after seeing the way their peers had treated Alec since his arrival.   
  
“Are you coming to Hogsmeade this week?” he asked. Alec frowned slightly.  
  
“No, probably not.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Last time I went I was locked inside the cleaning closet in one of the shops for three hours,” he responded. “I’m sure you heard of that.”  
  
Magnus winced because yes, he did remember hearing about it. And laughing about it. “I’ll make sure nothing like that happens again,” Magnus promised. Alec sighed and looked at him.   
  
“Don’t you have your friends to go with?”  
  
“Well, yeah. But you’re my friend too.” When he saw Alec’s expression change he quickly added, “At least, if you want to be friends.”  
  
Alec didn’t say anything at first, instead looking at Magnus with a pondering expression. “I need to go Christmas shopping,” he said. “I’ll let you know.”  
  
Magnus let himself smile. It wasn’t a declaration of forgiveness and trust, but he would take what he could get.   
  
~  
  
“I don’t know,” Jace fell onto his back dramatically, his arm flopping over Alec as he sighed loudly. “I think I’m in love, bro.”  
  
“And why are you bothering me about it?” Alec shoved his arm away.   
  
“Because Izzy told me to piss off and Max is too young to understand,” Jace said. Alec rolled his eyes as Jace continued. “She said she’d help me with my homework tonight.”  
  
“Good,” Alec snorted. “You desperately need it.”  
  
“Oi,” Jace punched his arm. “Do you think that’s code?”  
  
“Code for what?” Jace waggled his eyebrows in reply and Alec scrunched his nose and pushed him. “Ugh, I did _not_ need to know that.”  
  
They fell into a comfortable silence for a few moments before Jace interrupted it. “Do you think she likes me?”  
  
“Oh my God, Jace,” Alec groaned in frustration and stood up. Jace quickly followed him.   
  
“Listen, I was thinking of asking her to come with me to Hogsmeade. That’s probably the closest to a date I can get here, do you think?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Alec shrugged. “Probably?”  
  
Jace’s eyes lit up suddenly as a thought occurred to him. “What about you, eh?” he winked playfully. “Any girls here catching your eye?” Alec felt his stomach drop as he forced a blank expression.   
  
“Not everyone has time to flirt and go on dates,” Alec said, ignoring the way his hands nervously fiddled with the front of his robes.   
  
“Aw, come on. Just between us?” Jace pushed. Alec just shook his head and walked faster. “Okay! I get it, sorry. I won’t ask again.”  
  
The rest of the day passed with Alec stuck in his head, barely aware of the content he was being taught in his classes or the insults and glares he received throughout the day. He kept thinking about that conversation, the casual way Jace had asked him about girls replaying through his mind. There was no way to answer it, he knew, without revealing a part of himself he’d purposely kept hidden away.   
  
~  
  
When he was twelve he had a crush on a girl named Jessica. She was pretty and incredibly smart, and she never complained about working with him. He wasn’t sure what a crush felt like, or what it was supposed to feel like, but Jessica was pretty and nice to him. Jace would tell Alec of his crushes, describing them as cute and funny. Maybe that was why Alec was convinced he had a crush on Jessica – she was everything a crush was meant to be.   
  
Then he turned thirteen and didn’t think about her anymore. As Jace stared after the girls he kept his focus on his books. Then fourteen came and there was a boy in his class who would sometimes look at him. They never spoke to one another but Alec couldn’t get his green eyes out of his mind for weeks.   
  
When he realised that what he was supposed to feel for girls was misplaced for what he felt for boys came at that point, making him feel empty and alone. He’d never heard of a boy who daydreamed of holding hands with another boy and having a family with one, leaving him to wonder if he was somehow broken. Many nights passed with silent tears as he wrapped himself tightly in his blankets and begged for God to fix him – to heal what was broken within him.   
  
At fifteen he saw another like him. Two others, actually. One night while walking the street at home, Christmas lights brightening the streets as snow fell gently from the sky, he walked past two older men standing hand in hand. The men didn’t see him standing there, hidden away in the shadows, as they pulled one another into a tight hug and the murmur of their voices carried over to Alec as they confessed their love.   
  
This small moment gave Alec hope, which carried him through the next few months of violence and hate. Accepting that part of himself was a small step, but it made so much different in how he carried himself. He stopped contributing his preference for boys with the words ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’, and he felt a world better than he did a year ago. Some nights he still second guessed himself, wishing he could just be like everyone else because it would be so much easier than being different. Most of the time, though, he was okay.   
  
He wasn’t ready to tell anyone else. While he had accepted it himself, the thought of saying the words out loud terrified him. It made it more real, and Alec wasn’t sure if he was ready to have that part of himself splayed out in front of him for others to see.   
  
Only when alone does he let himself think of a future where he wasn’t alone, where he was happy and in love; where he was loved back.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!! sorry i havent had a chance to upload until now, school has been busy and ive had so much h/w. i hope you all enjoyed, talking about alec realising he's gay is from my own experience and it was tougher to write then i thought it would be. i'm working on another chapter right now and it'll hopefully be longer and posted quicker than this chapter was!


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know, okay?” Alec snapped. “I know that you two have no problem with throwing the first punch or drawing your wands, but that’s not me. I can’t just go around hurting people who don’t like me. Not again.”

Alec winced as he crashed onto the ground, the concrete cutting into his palms and his books sent flying across the corridor. His left wrist collapsed under his weight when he tried to push himself up. He cried out in pain, clenching his eyes shut as he tried to ignore the way his classmates laughed at him.   
  
“Watch where you’re going, dumbass,” one of the boys kicked his side, not hard enough to hurt but enough to emphasise his point.   
  
“Idiot,” another said, kicking his book carelessly away. Using his other hand, he pushed himself onto his knees. He flinched when a Gryffindor boy put his hand on his shoulder with intention to push him back down. Instead, another hand shoved the boy away.   
  
“What the fuck are you doing?” Alec recognised the voice and looked up to see Magnus standing protectively in front of him. Another hand grabbed his shoulder, though he relaxed when he saw it was just Simon.   
  
“Get out of here or I’ll report you to your head of house,” Magnus glared at them. None of them put up an argument, more intimidated by Magnus than the threat. Once they were gone Magnus knelt in front of Alec, worry shining through his eyes as he reached out to touch his arm. “Are you okay? What happened?”  
  
Alec attempted a small smile as he raised his injured wrist slightly. “I think my wrist is broken.”  
  
“Shit,” Magnus swore as he looked at it, already swelling and bruising. “Come on, let’s take you to the infirmary.” He and Simon helped Alec stand. Just as they went to leave, the redhead girl he often saw sitting with Simon or Magnus walked over to him. He was confused until he noticed that she held his books in her hands.   
  
“I’ll carry these,” she said when she saw the way Alec was cradling his arm against his chest. Alec smiled tightly in thanks. She walked beside them as they all made their way to the infirmary.   
  
“Clary? Magnus? What are you doing in here?” Ms Fray asked. “Aren’t you supposed to be in Potions right now? You too, Simon. Shouldn’t you be in class?”  
  
“Hey, Mum,” she put Alec’s down on the edge of the bed. “We were heading to class but we saw Alec was injured.”  
  
“Another staircase?” Ms Fray asked him, a sympathetic smile on her face.   
  
“What?” Clary frowned, opening her mouth to tell her what had actually happened.   
  
“Yeah.” Alec quickly interrupted her, shaking his head subtly. She shut her mouth. “I should be used to them moving by now.”  
  
“Let me see,” she grabbed his wrist gently. He hissed in pain as she prodded it. “Definitely a break. Luckily, you’ll be out of here by dinner. The rest of you, however, can go to class now.”  
  
“Okay, we'll see you tonight,” Clary kissed her cheek. She smiled at Alec, waving goodbye before walking out with Simon.   
  
“You too, Magnus,” Ms Fray said while pouring a dark green bubbling potion into a glass.   
  
“I’m already far ahead in Potions,” he shrugged. “I’ll stay with him for moral support.”  
  
“I don’t think he needs any moral support.” Ms Fray handed Alec the potion.   
  
“He does if he’s going to have to drink _that_.”  
  
“Oh, hush,” she swatted Magnus over his head with a laugh. “Alright, you can stay. But don’t tell your sister or I’ll have to deal with her complaining about special treatment for the rest of the term.”  
  
Magnus smiled in answer and plopped himself down next to Alec. “Does it hurt?”  
  
“What?”   
  
“Your arm,” Magnus added. Alec looked down at it, watching as Ms Fray wrapped it with a bandage.   
  
“Drink up,” she reminded him. Magnus laughed at Alec’s expression as he looked into the cup with a grimace. Alec’s eyes closed as he drank it in one go, his body shivering in disgust after he swallowed it.   
  
“Thank you,” he forced out, coughing slightly. Magnus handed him a cup of water to wash away the taste. Alec took it gratefully.   
  
“You never gave me an answer,” Magnus suddenly said.   
  
“Huh?”  
  
“About Hogsmeade,” he clarified. “It’s tomorrow, remember?”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“You don’t have to come with me if you don’t want,” Magnus quickly added. “It’s totally up to you. But it’d be cool if you did.”  
  
“I uh, yeah. Sure,” Alec smiled slightly. He’d been thinking about it all week but, since Magnus hadn’t brought it up, he’d figured the request had been a spur-of-the-moment thing already forgotten. “If you really don’t mind.”  
  
“Of course I don’t,” Magnus laughed. “I wouldn’t have asked if I did.” Alec’s smile grew at that. People didn’t often – if ever – want to spend time with him. It was nice to find someone who did.   
  
As he turned around to put the glass Magnus had handed him on the table he missed the look shared between Magnus and Ms Fray, who smirked knowingly as Magnus blushed under her gaze. Magnus shook his head at her, trying to deny what she was clearly thinking. She simply winked at him before turning away. It was hard keeping things from her, generally because she always figured them out on her own.   
  
~  
  
Nobody bothered him, though he suspected that had something to do with Magnus glaring at anyone who came near. The two walked down the street, beanies covering both of their heads as they shivered against the cold wind.   
  
“Ugh,” Magnus groaned. “I hate the snow.”  
  
“Really?” Alec turned to him surprised.   
  
“It’s so _wet_. And _cold_ ,” he shivered dramatically for emphasis, smiling when Alec laughed.   
  
“That’s literally what snow is, Magnus,” he pointed out. Magnus noticed that he was in a remarkably good mood that day and, as much as he wanted to question it, he was just happy to see a smile so bright on his face.   
  
“I just never understood the fuss,” he shrugged. “Who in their right mind would prefer _this_ over a hot, sunny day?”  
  
“Me?” Alec said. Magnus rolled his eyes.   
  
“Does it snow much back at Ilvermorny?”   
  
“Yeah, but nowhere near as much as here,” Alec said, looking at the numerous snowmen filling the footpaths.   
  
“Are you going home for Christmas?” Magnus asked. Alec frowned slightly and shrugged. Magnus regretted the question immediately as Alec seemed to deflate slightly.   
  
“Maybe. It depends on how busy our parents are.”  
  
“Oh. We normally stay at the castle,” Magnus said, trying to move the topic away from Alec’s parents. “If we’re going home then we have to wait for another nurse to take over for the holidays.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“There needs to be someone here just in case a student or professor staying gets injured,” Magnus said. Alec nodded in understanding. “You thirsty?” Magnus asked suddenly. Alec nodded again, laughing in surprise as Magnus grabbed his arm and dragged him into a small café. “They make the best hot chocolate here.”  
  
Alec let Magnus order for them and choose their table. They sat across from each other as they waited for their drinks. The café was relatively small, only able to fit about twenty people comfortably at a time. There were only four others in there with them, all sitting on the opposite side of the room to them.   
  
“Alright, Alec,” Magnus leaned forward. “Tell me about yourself.”  
  
“Tell you… what?”  
  
“Anything.” Magnus shrugged. “Everything.”  
  
“I… uh,” Alec stuttered, looking nothing short of confused and lost.  
  
“What’s your favourite colour?” Magnus suggested. Alec relaxed some.   
  
“Green.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“’Why?’” Alec repeated.   
  
 “Why’s green your favourite colour?” Magnus asked.  
  
“I don’t know. It’s just… calm, I guess. I find being in fields and forests calming, a place I can go to be myself without worrying about anyone else.” Alec blushed suddenly and Magnus watched as his demeanour changed from relaxed to tense and embarrassed. “It’s probably stupid, I don’t know why I said that.”  
  
“No, no,” Magnus shook his head and reached an arm out, resting his hand on Alec to stop him from moving away. Alec paused, his eyes falling to Magnus’ hand as his blush deepened. “I think that’s beautiful. It’s nice that you have a reason behind it other than that it’s simply a pretty colour.”   
  
Alec let out a breath at Magnus’ sincerity, his smile returning as he returned the question.   
  
“Definitely orange,” Magnus said immediately. Alec laughed, completely unsurprised. “It’s bright and, despite what many say, it can be a beautiful colour. Do you ever watch the sun set or rise? It's amazing. So many different shades of the same colour filling the sky… It’s peaceful. But at the same time, it can also be fun and exhilarating.”  
  
Alec’s breath was taken away with each word spoken, finding it strangely addicting to listen to Magnus talk. The two spent hours talking, sharing stories and opinions as they kept ordering hot chocolate to keep them warm. They argued on some things, such as the typical Iron Man vs Captain America debate, which both only knew about thanks to Simon. They also agreed on many other things, such favourite ice-cream flavours and hobbies – or, even more exact, a shared dislike in common hobbies amongst their peers.   
  
“I thought everyone loves Quidditch!” Magnus exclaimed. “Seriously, everyone here won’t shut up about it. It’s so annoying! I don’t care about flying broomsticks and small golden balls!”  
  
“I know!” Alec agreed. “Why would anyone want to play a hundred feet up in the air when they could play something simple like football down here on the ground?”  
  
“Or, why would anyone play sport when you could be inside and not covered in sweat?” Magnus countered. “Please tell me you’re not one of those fitness freaks who _enjoy_ that kind of stuff!”  
  
Alec laughed and shook his head, “No, sports and me don’t normally get along very well. But I do like to spar with my siblings sometimes.”  
  
“Spar?” Magnus’ eyes widened. “As in, fight?”  
  
“I guess,” Alec nodded.   
  
“So you’re like a wizard version of karate kid?” Magnus asked in awe.   
  
“I don’t know what karate kid is,” Alec said, “and I don’t know karate, but I know self-defence.”  
  
“That’s so cool!” Magnus said excitedly. “So you could totally kick everyone’s asses?”  
  
“Maybe,” Alec shrugged, though Magnus was getting to know Alec well enough to see he was being modest and trying to downplay his abilities.   
  
“You have to show me sometime,” Magnus made him promise. A sudden thought occurred to him and he couldn’t help but ask, even knowing it would definitely dampen the mood. “If you know self-defence, then why don’t you use it at school?”  
  
Alec’s smile fell and his eyes dropped to the mug in his hands. He seemed lost in thought as a minute passed in silence before he found the right words to answer. “I don’t want to hurt people,” Alec said softly. “My parents were taught self-defence too, but they didn’t use it to protect themselves. They used it to hurt other people – _innocent_ people. The last time I used it to protect myself… I hurt someone else.” He looked up to Magnus, pain glistening in his eyes. “I hurt them really bad and living with that… that knowledge that I was capable of doing something so hurtful… I can’t do it again.”  
  
Alec’s hands were shaking as he tightened his hold on the mug. Magnus slid his hand from his arm to his hands, prompting him to listen to him carefully. “I don’t know what happened to you, Alec. I don’t know what situation you were put in, or how many situations like that you’ve been in. But if you used it to keep yourself safe then there is no need to apologise. If someone was trying to hurt you then they have no right to be upset that you didn’t let them.”  
  
“But I did,” Alec said. “I might have beaten them, but I have to live with what I did every day. I’ll never forget it, Magnus.”  
  
“Alec…” Magnus didn’t know what to say. Alec shook his head and let out a mix between a cough and a laugh.  
  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to whine about my problems to you.” Magnus wanted to assure him it was alright but he carried on before he could say anything. “It’s getting late, we should probably be heading back about now.” Sure enough, the sky was darkening as late afternoon hit and the temperature had dropped a few degrees since their arrival.   
  
“I guess we lost track of time,” Magnus half-smiled.   
  
“Yeah…” Alec agreed. As they walked back to the castle neither of them mentioned that their hands hadn’t parted, their finger intertwined as they walked down the snowy streets until they made their goodbyes.   
  
Both boys, unknowing to each other, laid awake in their beds that night replaying their conversations over hot chocolate and the warmth of one another’s hands in their minds. Both of them admitted to themselves, in the quiet of their dorms, that they liked the feeling of holding hands and that, next time, it would be nice to feel it without the wool of their gloves in between their skin.   
  
~  
  
“You went with _Magnus Bane_ to Hogsmeade?” Alec quickly shushed Izzy as she sat next to him in the library. “Why didn’t you tell me?”  
  
“Why would I?” Alec asked, trying to return his focus on the book he was reading. Izzy groaned and pulled the book away, putting it behind her. “Izzy!”  
  
“Nope, tell me all about it and then you can read again.” Alec frowned but she remained stubborn.   
  
“Why do you care? You know already that Magnus and I are friends.”  
  
“You two spent the whole day together,” Izzy stated. “Everyone’s talking about it.”  
  
“Why?” Alec couldn’t understand why people cared in the first place.   
  
“Because Magnus always goes with his group of friends. People have asked him to go with them before but he’s always turned them down,” she explained.   
  
“I didn’t ask him,” Alec pointed out.  
  
“Wait – _he_ asked you?” Her eyes were wide.   
  
“Why do you seem so surprised by that?” Alec asked, unable to hide the hurt he felt.   
  
Izzy quickly apologised. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just… you know people normally ask others to Hogsmeade as a _date_ , right?”  
  
Alec frowned slightly. “Didn’t Jace ask a girl to go with him?”  
  
“Well, yeah but that’s not the point.”  
  
“Then can you maybe get to it? I was up to the good part in my book.”  
  
“You’ve read this book a hundred times already,” she said in annoyance. “But my point is that Magnus asked you to go with him. Just like Jace asked Clary to go with him.”  
  
“Wait, he asked _Clary_? I didn’t know they knew each other,” Alec said, surprised. Izzy groaned loudly, her head banging against the table in frustration.   
  
“You can be so _oblivious_ sometimes, Alec.”  
  
“Can I please just finish reading, Izzy? I want to finish it before I go to bed tonight.” She pursed her lips as she handed the book over.   
  
“Fine. But this conversation isn’t over.” He ignored her in favour of finding the page he was on. “Also – why didn’t you tell any of us that you were in the infirmary again?” Alec paused at that.  
  
“Who told you about that?”  
  
“Some girls in my class,” she shrugged. “They said a bunch of Gryffindor boys were pushing you around.”  
  
“It’s no big deal,” Alec shrugged, the lie obvious to both of them.   
  
“Why don’t you just stand up to them? It’s not hard, you can do it.”  
  
“I’ve got less than a year left of dealing with this, Izzy. After that, I never have to worry about it again.”  
  
“But you wouldn’t have to worry about it in the first place if you didn’t let them walk all over you. Why do you think Jace and I don’t have problems with anyone here?” she asked.   
  
“I know, okay?” Alec snapped. “I know that you two have no problem with throwing the first punch or drawing your wands, but that’s not me. I can’t just go around hurting people who don’t like me. Not again.” Izzy’s eyes softened as she realised what was holding him back.   
  
“Alec, that wasn’t your fault. He hurt you, he would have _killed_ you. How is that any better?”   
  
“He didn’t kill me, though,” he said. “He didn’t kill me because _I killed him first_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!!! longer chapter today - which surprised me because i've been super busy with school trips all week. i hope you like this chapter and i hope im not moving too fast with malec. let me know what you thought!!!


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I will not let this ruin us,” Robert finally said, jaw set in determination. His eyes trained on Alec, looking at him as if he was a stranger. “You will not destroy everything that we have fought for.”

_“What did you do?” Alec’s breath caught in his throat as his father’s hands gripped his shoulders tightly and shook his body roughly. “What the fuck did you do?”  
  
“D-Dad –”  
  
“Damn it!” Robert pushed Alec away, ignoring the way he crashed onto the floor as he ran a hand through his hair in stress. Alec pushed himself backwards until his back hit the wall, his hands shaking as they held his legs against his chest.  
  
“We’ll fix this,” Maryse tried to calm him. “They’re just children – it was simply a game that got out of hand.”  
  
“You can’t seriously think that they’ll believe that?” Robert threw her a disbelieving glare before turning to his son curled up against the wall. “Everyone has already heard what happened. They all know what he has done.”  
  
“I didn’t mean to,” Alec whispered, his eyes wet with tears as he begged his parents to believe him.  
  
“You’re damn lucky you’re a child,” Robert said. “Or else you’d be rotting in Azkaban for the rest of your life. Hell, you might still end up there if we can’t fix this.”  
  
Alec felt ill as the thought of spending any amount of Azkaban filled his mind. It was a place of nightmares, used to keep children under control and scare them into obeying the rules. As a child Alec had had nightmares of the prison, dreaming of the constant iciness and loneliness endured by every prisoner there.  
  
“I will not let this ruin us,” Robert finally said, jaw set in determination. His eyes trained on Alec, looking at him as if he was a stranger. “You will not destroy everything that we have fought for.”  
  
~  
  
“No!” Alec screamed, eyes wide as he watched the boy falling from the edge of the cliff. He fell to his knees, barely aware of the others rushing next to him to watch the body fall into the violent waters below.  
  
They were too far up to hear the impact from his body against the rocks and the waves, but they could see the exact moment it happened. Alec’s knuckles went white from the tight grip he had on the ground below him, eyes dry from shock as he watched the body disappear.  
  
“No! No, no, no,” Alec cried. The boys around him slowly backed away, faces paling as the seriousness of the situation dawned on them. They were never going to **actually** throw Alec off the edge – at least, they didn’t think they were going to.  
  
“We need to leave,” one of the boys said, his voice wavering as he looked behind him to make sure no one was watching. “Come on,” he pulled the others’ arms away. Alec couldn’t bring himself to move.  
  
“We all need to go, Alec,” he said, moving forward to pull him away from the edge.  
  
“No!” Alec shouted, pulling himself away. “We – we can’t just – just **leave**!”  
  
“We have to! Or we’ll get in trouble for it! They’ll call us all murderers!”  
  
“But we are! We – We killed him,” the words burned in his throat. “Oh my God, we killed him.”  
  
“No.” A girl standing a few metres away shook her head defiantly. “No, **you** killed him.”  
  
“Stay here if you want but we’re leaving. This wasn’t our fault.” Alec watched, frozen in his spot as they all hurried away, making sure they weren’t seen as they hurried back inside.  
  
Alec had no idea how long he sat there for, shivering violently as the temperature continued to drop. At some point he stopped shivering. A part of him knew this was a bad sign but he couldn’t bring himself to care. **He just killed someone**.  
  
_ ~  
  
“Alec? Alec!” Alec felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking his body roughly back and forward in his bed. His eyes burst open and his eyes flinched as the light burned into them. “Alec? Are you okay? What’s going on?”  
  
He couldn’t breathe. It felt like there was a hand inside his chest, fingers wrapped around his lungs and slowly squeezing the air out of them. His face was wet with tears and his clothes drenched with sweat.  
  
“– deep breaths… in and out…” Alec could see Simon sitting in front of him, lips moving with a concerned expression, but he had no idea what was going on. Someone’s hand reached out towards him and he lurched backwards, tumbling off the bed as his legs got caught in the sheets. The hand inside his chest seemed to clench and he was faintly aware of a shout before black spots clouded his vision and his eyes fell close.  
  
~  
  
When Alec woke he was surprised to feel a warm hand holding his. The room was silent aside from his own breathing. As his eyes flickered open he squinted at the brightness of the familiar room, blinking as he tried to push away the disoriented feeling washing over him. Turning his head to the side he saw, to his surprise, Magnus flicking through a book with one hand while gently holding Alec’s with his other one.  
  
The moment Magnus realised Alec was awake the book dropped to the floor, forgotten as he put his full attention on Alec. “Are you okay? Are you thirsty? Hungry?” he asked, his hand squeezing Alec’s a little tighter now that he was awake. Alec asked for some water and Magnus quickly obliged.  
  
“Thank you.” Alec winced at the sound of voice and the way his throat burned when he spoke. “What happened?”  
  
“Simon told me you were having a nightmare. After they woke you, he said you had a panic attack or something similar and then passed out. He and another boy from your house carried you here early this morning,” Magnus explained. Alec looked away from him, face flushing in embarrassment as he remembered the way he cried and – possibly – screamed in his sleep. It would explain the rawness of his throat.  
  
“Oh,” was all he could say.  
  
“I found Simon in here this morning with you when I came to see Mum. She sent Simon away when he kept falling asleep,” he said. “I figured I might as well keep you company. I have no classes this morning.”  
  
“You didn’t have to.”  
  
“I wanted to,” he shrugged. Alec watched him, surprised as he admitted it so casually. “Plus,” he smirked, “I think Clary ditched me to suck your brother’s face off in the potion closet on second floor.”  
  
“No way,” Alec stared at him disbelievingly.  
  
Magnus hummed. “He’s a bad influence on her.”  
  
“If it makes you feel any better, he said her hair reminded him of the new and updated Nimbus 5000.”  
  
“He said her hair reminded him of a broomstick?”  
  
“I never said he was the next Shakespeare,” Alec shrugged, smiling as Magnus laughed. “Thank you, by the way.” Magnus’s smile turned questioning. “For staying,” he added. “I… Not many people would want to stay. So thank you.”  
  
Magnus squeezed his hand and ran his thumb across his knuckles. “Any time, Alexander.”  
  
“Alec,” he corrected quietly.  
  
“Sure,” Magnus rolled his eyes in a way that told Alec he wasn’t going to listen. “And if you ever need to talk I’m here for you, okay? You don’t have to tell me anything but just remember that you _can_ if you want to.”  
  
Alec’s eyes shined brightly at Magnus’ words, his heart fluttering at the sincerity in them. His hand tingled as Magnus held onto him, leaning on his bed slightly as they spoke.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Magnus suddenly said.  
  
“What?” Alec was confused at the guilty expression Magnus wore. He was also worried.  
  
“I know you said it was okay already but I will never be able to apologise enough for how I treated you before.”  
  
“Magnus it’s fine,” Alec said.  
  
“But it’s not,” he shook his head. “I laughed and I called you names behind your back. I made judgements before I knew who you were and I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for that.”  
  
“Magnus,” Alec quietened him. “I forgive you, okay? I know you’re sorry and I know that you won’t do it again. You… you actually took the time to get to know me. You’re a lot better than most people, Magnus.”  
  
“That doesn’t mean it was okay.”  
  
“Maybe not. But you knowing that just shows that you won’t do it again,” Alec said. Magnus bit his lip and honestly, no one could blame Alec for the way his eyes dropped for a quick second. “I’ve forgiven you for it, Magnus. I trust you.”  
  
“You do?” Magnus seemed shocked.  
  
“I do. It’s weird, I’ve only known you for such a short amount of time but I do.”  
  
“I feel the same way.”  
  
~  
  
“How frequent are these nightmares?”  
  
“Most nights,” Alec admitted. Both Ms Fray and Professor Garroway were sitting opposite him, listening and asking questions to try understand why last night happened. “But rarely as bad as this.”  
  
“What are they about?” Professor Garroway asked.  
  
“I – I don’t really want to…”  
  
“That’s okay, sweetie,” Ms Fray quickly assured him. “Just tell us whatever you’re comfortable with sharing.”  
  
“It’s just something that – that happened at my old school when I was younger,” he said carefully, not wanting to give away too much information. They both clearly wanted more details but didn’t push him.  
  
“This thing that happened, does anyone else know? Have you spoken to anyone about it?”  
  
“No. Well, yes some people do know but it’s not something we talk about. We can’t,” he said with a frown. His parents and authorities knew, obviously, and so did the students there when it happened but none of them talked about it. Ever. It was a topic they shuffled around.  
  
“So you haven’t told anyone about these nightmares?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Why not?” Ms Fray asked. “There are many solutions to getting rid of them. If you’d told me I could have helped you a long time ago.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” he shrugged, looking down at his hands.  
  
“I’ve got a potion that you can take each night before you go to sleep. It won’t stop you from having nightmares but it will keep you from awakening your room mates.” Ms Fray stood up. “I can’t help you unless you tell me more, Mr Lightwood. I can’t risk giving you a potion to stop these nightmares without details.”  
  
“I understand,” Alec nodded. “Thank you.”  
  
The potion handed to him was blue and bubbly, though thankfully it tasted nowhere near as foul as the other ones he’d had to drink from her. Like she said, the nightmares didn’t stop. But when he woke the next morning he hadn’t woken anyone else with his screams. That was definitely a step up from the night before.  
  
A lot of people watched him oddly the next day, no doubt the news of his night had spread around the school over the day he spent in the infirmary. He ignored them the best he could as Magnus sat next to him, thighs and arms pressed against each other as they spoke between bites.  
  
“I bet you’re excited to get home for Christmas,” Magnus said.  
  
Alec shrugged. “Definitely not going to miss the homework.”  
  
Magnus chuckled in agreement. “Me neither. Though, having the Headmaster and school nurse parenting you doesn’t mean I get to escape the work entirely.”  
  
“Wait,” Alec paused. “Professor Garroway? And Ms Fray?”  
  
Magnus looked like he was trying to determine whether Alec was joking or not. “You didn’t know?”  
  
“How could I have?”  
  
“Look at them right now!” Sure enough, the two adults were sitting side-by-side with their hands intertwined, reminding Alec of the day before when Magnus had held his.  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“Yeah, as much as I love them both I do wish I didn’t have to recite potion ingredients over dinner each night.” Alec grimaced at the idea. “What about you? Any plans for the holidays?”  
  
“Not really,” he shrugged. “Our parents will probably be working so we’ll just do the usual.”  
  
“The usual?”  
  
“Ordering too much takeout and watching cheesy movies on cable,” Alec elaborated.  
  
“I don’t know whether that’s sad or great.”  
  
“It’s nice,” Alec said simply. “It’s a routine we’ve come up with over the years.”  
  
“Your parents work over Christmas every year?”  
  
“It’s not that bad,” Alec said, not sure on how to feel at Magnus’ surprise. “The four of us are enough.”  
  
“You really love your siblings, don’t you?” Alec looked at Max, watching fondly as he carefully snuck Izzy’s grapes off her plate and handed them to Jace, who high-fived him with a smirk.  
  
“They’re insane but yeah, I do. I couldn’t ask for any better.” And it was true. His siblings had been there for him through everything and he wouldn’t trade them for the world.  
  
When Alec woke up from nightmares, wet from tears and sweat, body shaking violently as he replayed the worst day of his life over and over, his siblings were there to comfort him. He didn’t know where he would be without them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!! i hope you liked this chapter. it's shorter than what i would have liked but it's getting late and i have a lot of homework to do so i decided to post what i've written anyway.
> 
> also, this is unedited so if there are any mistakes then please let me know!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Who you are? Who you are is my amazing, sweet big brother with the biggest heart I have ever seen. Anyone would be lucky to get to love you.” She smiled softly as she wiped away a tear with her thumb. “And one day, someone will love you heart and soul.”

Despite Alec’s expectations, his parents did make an appearance during their holidays. On Christmas Eve, the four were spread out over the lounge on beanbags, wrapped up in large blankets with the Polar Express playing.   
  
“Oi!” Alec shouted at Max, a large smile contradicting his angry voice. He picked the pieces of popcorn out from his hair and grabbed a handful from the bowl in front of him, throwing it at his giggling younger brother in retaliation.   
  
“Alec! No!” Max tried to move away but his legs got caught in the blankets.   
  
“Shut up!” Izzy complained half-heartedly, looking away from the candy crown she had sneakily made in Jace’s hair without the boy noticing. Max poked his tongue at her, eating the spilt popcorn as he crawled back to his beanbag.  
  
“You guys are so annoying,” Jace said, eyes focussed on the screen in front of him. Jace was the only one who genuinely enjoyed re-watching that movie every single year.   
  
“Like you can talk,” Izzy scoffed. Jace turned to glare at her, jumping in surprise when about twenty pieces on candy fell from his hair.   
  
“Izzy!” He leapt at her and everyone laughed as she shrieked.  
  
A sudden bright green light replaced the burning orange of the fire caused them to freeze, smiles dropping as they all stood and moved away from the fireplace.   
  
“Alec?” Mac’s voice was small as Alec gently pushed him behind him. Izzy pulled Max closer to her.   
  
They stood in silence, watching warily as two figures suddenly appeared. Alec felt the others relax as their parents stepped out, dusting ash from their clothing with annoyed expressions.   
  
“I hate travelling this way,” Maryse complained. Robert rolled his eyes.   
  
“Mum!” Max exclaimed excitedly, his tiny arms attempting to wrap around both of their parents. “Dad!”  
  
“Long time no see,” Maryse chuckled at her youngest child, returning the embrace. Once Max stepped back she straightened up, her body language changing noticeably as she appraised her other three children.   
  
“Jace,” she smiled tightly. “Isabelle, Alec. I hope Hogwarts has been treating you well.”  
  
“It’s been fantastic,” Jace started, describing the wonders of the school as they all moved into the dining room. Robert used his wand to summon ready-prepared food onto the table. As everyone tucked in their parents continued to ask questions, starting from their education to their personal lives. That was when things started to go wrong.   
  
“Alec, you haven’t sent many letters since you all left,” Maryse said. Alec stared at his food, hoping her questions would return to his siblings. “We haven’t heard much about your time so far. Have you made any friends?”  
  
Alec hadn’t intended on telling her anything, but the sympathetic tone she had picked up had him wanting to prove her wrong. “A few.”  
  
Both Maryse and Robert choked on their food in surprise, causing both hurt and success to rise up in Alec. It was a weird combination of feelings but he felt it was justified. “You do?” Maryse elbowed Robert, shaking her head at him.   
  
“That’s great to hear. Who are they? Maybe we work with their parents.”  
  
Alec winced internally, realising maybe it hadn’t been the greatest idea to say anything in the first place. “You um, you don’t. Work with their parents, that is.”  
  
“Oh?” Maryse looked at him to continue.   
  
“Clary and Magnus’ parents work at the school,” Jace explained for him. “Their dad in the Headmaster and their mum is the school nurse.”  
  
“Lucian Garroway?” Robert raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t know he had any children.”  
  
“No, well, he’s their stepfather,” Jace corrected. “Ms Fray has been with him since Clary was born so he’s their dad where it counts.”  
  
“Ms Fray?” Maryse furrowed her eyebrows. “As in, Jocelyn Fray?”  
  
“You know her?”   
  
“Yes. I used to work with her,” Maryse pursed her lips. “There was a huge scandal six years ago when she adopted a muggle-born child.”  
  
“That must have been Magnus,” Izzy though aloud.   
  
“Hmm,” Maryse looked deep in thought.   
  
“You said you’re friends with this boy?” Robert asked, looking at Alec. Alec nodded.   
  
“We don’t want you hanging around his kind,” Maryse said sternly.   
  
“Excuse me?” Izzy stared wide-eyed.   
  
“I’m sure there are many other students suitable for friendship. I don’t think this boy, or the other Frays for that matter, are good influences. Your grades have been dropping since you moved to this school,” Maryse continued.   
  
“Wait –”  
  
“Your mother is right,” Robert said. “You said you had a few friends. Letting one go won’t be the end of the world.”  
  
“I’m not – he’s not a bad influence,” Alec protested. “He and Simon have been helping me with my classes and catching me up to speed. If anything, they’re the only reason I’m not failing any classes.”  
  
“Simon?” _Fuck._  
  
“He’s another friend,” Alec said dismissively. “My point is that they aren’t bad people and I want to be their friend.”  
  
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Maryse said, putting her knife and fork down and looking at Alec condescendingly. “I very much doubt they would be overly bothered without you following them around.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“It’s time for you to start growing up, Alexander. You’re going to be eighteen next year. You need to start planning for your future, not running after these ‘friends’ of yours,” Robert said, barely looking up from his food as he continued to eat.  
  
“Do you know Lydia Branwell?” Alec frowned at his mother, nodding slightly as recalled the name from one of his classes. “We work with her father. He told us she was in your year. Very beautiful, smart and lovely girl.”  
  
“Okay…” Alec didn’t understand what was happening. Beside him Izzy was glaring at her plate, stabbing at her food with her fork angrily.   
  
“What your mother is saying, is that it would be a good idea for you to start looking for possible wives.” Alec’s fork clanged against his plate noisily as he blinked up at his parents.   
  
“W-what?”   
  
“Your father and I met when we were your age and agreed to a marriage that would be good for the both of us. Lydia’s family is well respected in the wizarding community and it would help our family restore our name to be connected with theirs.”  
  
“But I don’t want to marry –”  
  
“Why are you putting it on Alec to make up for your mistakes?” Izzy snapped at their parents. “Alec should marry someone he loves, not someone that would make our family look good.”  
  
“ _Love_ isn’t a priority,” Robert scoffed. “Family is what’s important. You understand that, don’t you, Alec?”  
  
“Mum, Dad,” Jace interrupted. “Things are different now. People don’t marry at seventeen. Most people don’t even marry anymore.”  
  
“And if they do, it’s because they _love_ someone. Not because their parents screwed up and are forcing them to give up their life to fix their mistake,” Izzy spat out, surprising everyone with the malice in her voice.   
  
“Isabelle Lightwood!” Maryse’s eyes shone with anger. “You cannot speak to us like that.”  
  
“Why not? It’s true. Our family name is ruined only because you both fucked up and, instead of finding a way to make up for it yourself, you’re making _us_ give up our lives.”  
  
“Go to your room!” Robert shouted at her. “Don’t come out unless you’re ready to apologise.”  
  
Izzy’s chair scraped across the ground as she stood up, slamming her utensils against the table. “Guess this is goodbye until next holidays, then. See you at Easter.”  
  
The table was silent after she left, the loud bang of her door shutting causing them to jump in their seats. Alec’s hands were clenched around his knife and fork, shaking slightly as he kept his eyes on his plate.   
  
“She has a point,” Jace quietly spoke up. Alec shot him a look, shaking his head to try get him to stop. He ignored him. “Alec shouldn’t have to marry anyone until he’s ready – _if_ he’s ready.”  
  
“Alec understands his responsibility for this family,” Robert said.  
  
“But it isn’t necessary!”  
  
“Enough, Jace.” Robert raised his voice in anger. “When Alec returns to school he will be taking the time to get to know Lydia.”  
  
“But –,” Alec kicked his shin under the table and shook his head again. Jace clearly wanted to argue but the resigned look in Alec’s expression stopped him. He bit his lip and pushed his plate away. “I’m not hungry. I’ll see you tomorrow if you’re still here.” Without waiting for a response he walked off.   
  
Maryse sighed in frustration before looking at the two sons remaining at the table. “How about you two? You planning on storming off childishly to your rooms too?” Neither of them responded as they continued to eat in silence.   
  
~  
  
“This isn’t fair! Tell me you told them you wouldn’t do it.” Izzy had left her room the moment their parents left the following morning and stormed out to where Alec stood in the living room, cleaning up the mess from the night before.   
  
“Look, Izzy, it’s complicated okay? Maybe it won’t be as bad as it seems.”   
  
“Are you serious right now? You’re never going to fall in love with Lydia! Both of you will be forced into this – this _loveless_ marriage! And for what? Our parents?”   
  
“I don’t have a choice.”  
  
“You always have a choice, Alec. Please don’t do this.”  
  
Alec sighed and turned away from her, folding a blanket as he spoke carefully. “If I don’t, one of you will have to. I can’t let you guys lose this part of your life.”  
  
“Why do you have to then? Why is it okay for you to not get a chance to find love?”  
  
“Because I never will okay?” Alec snapped suddenly, turning to face her. She eyes filled with pity. “Because I – I... Because who I am…” His eyes filled with tears. “I don’t get to have love, Izzy. I’m not losing anything I haven’t already lost.”  
  
“Alec…” She stepped forward and grabbed his hands. “Who you are? Who you are is my amazing, sweet big brother with the biggest heart I have ever seen. Anyone would be lucky to get to love you.” She smiled softly as she wiped away a tear with her thumb. “And one day, someone will love you heart and soul.”  
  
Alec didn’t know what to say so he pulled his hands from hers and wrapped his arms tightly around her, sobbing as she led them onto the couch. “I don’t want to marry.”  
  
“I know,” she whispered, running a hand over his back comfortingly. “I know.”  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Alec sighed as he pushed through the crowd and onto the train. Luckily they got there on time, despite Max forgetting his wand and then also forgetting his scarf, resulting in two trips back home before finally reaching the station.   
  
“Alec!” He turned at the sound of his name and found himself smiling at Magnus, who gestured for him and his siblings to sit with them. As soon as he walked in Magnus threw himself into his arms, squeezing him tightly. Alec held him just as tight.   
  
“How was your holidays?” Alec asked once they had separated and taken seats opposite each other.   
  
“Snowy,” Magnus stated with a grin. “I spent a week in bed with a horrible cold after we spent the first few days outside in the snow. How about yours?”  
  
Alec’s smile dropped slightly as he shrugged. “It was alright.” Magnus frowned as Alec’s eyes flicked away from his – a tell that he’d picked up a while ago of when he was lying to him.  
  
“Do you want to talk about it?” Magnus asked quietly, putting a hand on top of Alec’s. Alec’s eyes dropped to their hands for a few seconds before he shook his head.   
  
“Thanks, but not right now.” Magnus nodded in understanding and changed the subject.   
  
“Do you want some hot chocolate?” When Alec squinted in confusion he dug into his bag and pulled out a thermos with a smirk. “Just because they don’t like us bringing hot drinks onto the train doesn’t mean they bother checking to make sure we don’t.” Alec snorted at Magnus’ victorious grin as he poured them both a drink.   
  
“What about us?” Clary’s voice suddenly interrupted them, reminding them that they weren’t alone in the cart. Magnus grimaced as he looked into his nearly-empty thermos.   
  
“Knock yourself out.” He handed it to her, holding back a laugh at her affronted expression.   
  
“You can have some of mine,” Alec offered with a small smile. Magnus moved his hand to Alec’s wrist to stop him from sharing it.  
  
“I’m sure Clary doesn’t mind,” he said with a pointed look. Clary rolled her eyes and jiggled the contents in the thermos.   
  
“I’m not that thirsty,” she relented, thanking Alec anyway.  
  
“So anyway,” Magnus turned dramatically back to Alec, causing Clary to scoff and the others to laugh. But before he could say anything, the door opened and Simon stumbled in. Magnus groaned at being interrupted as everyone welcomed Simon.   
  
“Hey Alec! I found this in a shop and I had to get it for you.” Alec watched in surprise as Simon dug through his bag and pulled out a black beanie with the words ‘Yolo Swaggins’ written in small print across the fold. For a second he was silent, trying to understand it before he looked up with a grin.  
  
“You’re ridiculous.”   
  
“You love it,” Simon shrugged with a satisfied smile.  
  
“I do,” he nodded sincerely. “Thank you, Simon.” As Simon smiled back they were interrupted by Magnus coughing violently into his arm. Alec turned to him in surprise.  
  
“Are you okay?” Magnus nodded while still coughing. Alec reached over to pat his back, worried he might be choking on something. While he was making sure Magnus was okay he missed his sister’s and Clary’s amused expressions.  
  
“Your brother is a mess,” Izzy said to Clary.   
  
“I know,” Clary agreed.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry it took so long to update!!!! i've been so busy with work and school and i haven't had time to work on this. hopefully i'll be able to get another chapter up as soon as possible. i hope this chapter's alright and if there are any mistakes please let me know!! thank you to the person who pointed out the mistake i made over the tv situation - i will edit it but the lightwoods do have a tv in their home. thank you for reading!!!

**Author's Note:**

> hey, thanks for reading!! i love reading hogwarts aus more than anything else but there are very few written, so i decided to try my hand. let me know if i should continue in the comments! i have an idea of where i want this story to go and it should be about three chapters, possibly more depending on the feedback. 
> 
> this chapter was mostly to set the scene and it's the middle of the night so if there are any mistakes then please point them out, i'll make sure to edit and fix everything as soon as i can! thanks again for reading!


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